On Reincarnation and My Past Lives

I believe in reincarnation. I've had far too many "odd" experiences in this life not to. Elves of all types generally accept reincarnation as a fact of life and death.

In his books (see reading list), Michael Sharp says that since Time is an illusion, that all our incarnations are in fact lived concurrently. That concept can be a little hard to wrap your head around, especially if you've never tried thinking outside the bounds of linear time before. Since I believe that Time is something one can choose to experience reality within the bounds of or not (most pre-school children and all animals have no concept of time at all), I tend to agree with Dr. Sharp.

I remember several of my past incarnations. Most of the memories are just flashes of images and emotions.  I remember more than that of about 4 of them. I remember a great deal of 2 of them. Dr. Sharp says that the reason for this is because all of them were training for this current incarnation, that we access the information we learned then when we need it now. In my experience, I've found that to be generally true as well.

I've lived several of the incarnations I remember on Earth, usually as a female. I've lived at least 2, possibly more incarnations on Selar, and I remember 1 that was either on Selar or possibly Til Quintas. I only have a quick flash of that one, so I don't know.

The lives I remember the most clearly have a definite sequential order in my mind. This is defined in terms of level of spiritual development rather than time. I don't know where any of these lives fall in chronological order, and it doesn't matter. Most of them that I only have flashes of, I can't fit into any particular linear time sequence.

I've never written them all out in one place before now, and I've always felt I should, just so they're recorded somewhere. Part of my purpose is to show my Path to others, and showing this may help someone else sort themselves out. So here we go.

Developmentally sequential incarnations

Developmentally, there are 3 incarnations other than the one I'm conscious of "currently" living (and writing this in) that led up to my living this one. I'll list them first starting with this one and working backward. Then I'll list out my other ones. I'm not sure where they fit in. This isn't a thing that can be described in linear terms.

Human woman with Elven bloodlines intermixed. Earth.
I am experiencing his incarnation as my current one.

Tularin She-Elf, Selar. This is the incarnation I write about on this site, where I serve as 'Lesia of the Temple and train all the Adrastai. I was about 5'4", maybe 5'5", with large blue eyes, pale skin and light blond hair with gold shadows, typical Kholi'ani coloring. I can still experience this one in "ghostly form"  through means of bi-location. See the Stories and Articles sections.

Kathilas She-Elf, Selar. In this incarnation I was a wild She-Elf named Tirana (Tiranna?). I had long red hair I wore in a single braid that usually hung down over my left shoulder. I had either been exiled or had chosen exile away from my village. I lived in my canoe in a swampy area of the forest and lived off the land, hunting and fishing. I spent much of my time in trance, lying down in the bottom of the canoe, drifting with the slow current and staring up through the leaves of the trees.

One day I saw an odd looking nest up in one of the trees. I bumped the bow of my canoe into the tree trunk to see what might come out of the nest, if it might be worth eating. The very blond head of a male Elf, a Drae'ari, cautiously peeked over the edge of the nest at me.

I hadn't seen another of my own kind in many years. And not only was he an Elf, but he was a male Elf. Being the wild creature I was, living mostly on instinct, I was immediately attracted to him, and climbed up into Daish'ka's hunting blind.

Daish'ka lived in a Drae'ari village not too far away. The Drae'ari make their homes in the roots of trees, hollowing out the earth under them, then building plaster walls like the Altari do in the branches of the canopy. The Drae'ari are a nocturnal race of Elenari.

Tirana and Diash'ka were both young. Daish'ka had just reached the age of majority, but still lived in his parents' home. Daish'ka and Tirana became Lovemates, which lasted for many happy years. He would visit Tirana when he came hunting, which was often. He never took her home to meet his family though.

At some point, the first of the Corruption began to take hold on Selar, but the Elves did not know what it was at that time. It came to Daish'ka's village in the form of a Tainted magician. Daish'ka has written elsewhere of what happened to his family then, but he went insane from it and from the spells of the magician who then took advantage of him.

It was in this condition that Tirana found him in the woods for the last time. The magician had given Daish'ka a sword. Tirana knew something was terribly wrong with Daish'ka and scanned him to see what had happened because he couldn't tell her. What she saw in his mind horrifed her. She wanted to help him. In his insanity, he saw her as an enemy. He struck two blows to her left shoulder and neck. She lay dying, wondering why and how what had happened to him could have happened, as he ran off into the woods.

To battle the Corruption, Tirana reincarnated as one who would become the 'Lesia.

Human woman, Lemuria, Earth – During Lemurian times (see the Sharp books), I was a priestess in a temple by the sea. The only memory I have of that life is how I died in it.

I'm in the main hall of the Temple that is open to face the sea on one side. It's dark except for a few dim flames of 3 or so oil lamps, one of which is in my hand. There is a hurricane or bad thunderstorm outside, and no way to escape from the wind really. I'm holding up my lamp, trying to see outside while at the same time trying to secure some objects of some kind. The lightning flashes and I freeze with fear. There is a huge wall of water from the sea about to crash into the village. It hits and   am swept to the back of the room. I remember the feeling of not being able to breathe, my lungs filling with water. I thought about how I had failed all the people I was charged with priestessing to, how I should have been able to warn them, knowing that they would all die and there was nothing I could do. Then the water swept me around and I hit my head hard on a stone column or something (it was hard and made of stone whatever it was), and everything went black.

I was so traumatized by the failure of the Ascension attempt in Lemuria that I needed time to rest and recover. So I incarnated as Tirana on Selar to "take a vacation" and skip out on the Atlantis debacle that happened on Earth.

Other Non Developmentally Sequential Incarnations

These are other incarnations I remember that mostly came back to me in answer to the question, "Where do I know X person from?" or "How do I know how to do X ?" during meditations and prayers. Many of the memories haven't been pleasant. Many learning experiences aren't. In my experience with "past" life memories and in talking with many other people, it seems that the traumatic memories with the most emotional impact are the ones that come back first when one is remembering another life. These incarnations are in no particular order. I don't know when they happened in linear time.

Human girl, Egyptian Priestess of Bast, Earth. I was an underpriestess in a big temple to Bast (probably in Thebes) and still a child when I entered my service there. In fact, it may have been that I was sold into slavery to the temple. I don't remember having any parents, only the other girls like me, ranging in age from about 3 to 17 or so. The older ones cared for the younger ones. We lived in the temple and never left it. I remember wearing white and the blue beaded headdresses. I remember all of us lined up in rows before the enormous statue, shaking our sistrums and chanting. I remember being afraid much of the time, but I don't remember of what.

There was another girl there with whom I've incarnated several times. She was also in my life as the 'Lesia and she's in my current incarnation also. In this Egyptian one, she was much older than I was and took care of me. She took care of me when I got sick.

I ended up dying when I was about 15 of disease, probably Tuberculosis or pneumonia. I was very sick for what seemed like a long time, coughing a great deal, with fever and chills, and feeling like I couldn't breathe very well.

Note: The girl that took care of me, and another person here in my current incarnation tell me they remember me from another different Egyptian life as well where I was a princess rather than a priestess. Their memories match each other, and they insist I was their princess, but I have no memories of my own of that life.

Human woman, Persia, Earth. My memories of this life are from when I was in my 40's. I was a plump woman with typical middle eastern build and coloring. I never married. This life did not occur in what we think of as modern times. Most likely it was somewhere between 1000 and 1800 A.D. We were nomads, living in tents. I was rather wealthy, and considered a noblewoman. My "job" was to counsel people, being that I was older than most of them. I may also have been a bit of a fortune teller. The memories I have are of sitting on hand knotted rugs in my tent seeing each person in turn who had troubles.

Torlinque tells me this life of mine was concurrent with the one he lived in Mongolia, as a mercenary soldier in Genghis Kahn's army. We were too far apart and didn't find each other that time. We both spent a lot of time rather depressed and daydreaming about our "perfect mate". I don't know how I died in this one.

Human man, Greek culture, Earth. This life was pure fun. It was my "what would happen if I were male?" life. Outside of all physical incarnations, my energy is that of the Divine Feminine, so this life was a joyful experiment.

I incarnated as a man, a tall ectomorphic Greek with long brown hair. I made my living traveling around the known Greek world as part of a tumbling troupe.

I was a flaming homosexual. Apparently, I am attracted to the male of the speicies no matter how I incarnate. (I don't mean to imply here that all homosexual men are inherently Divine Feminine energy incarnate, because they aren't, but it certainly seems true for me specifically. When I'm male, I'm gay.)

In the tumbling troupe, I was a thrower and catcher rather than a flyer. I was tall and thin, but muscular. There was a much shorter man in the troupe who only came up to the middle of my chest. He was a flyer, and my lover. He's incarnate here in my current incarnation now too.

I remember walking along the big stone wharf in what would later become Marseilles, France past all the big beaks of the ships with my lover, laughing and talking. I never wore much besides a g-string, a lot of jewelry and makeup, a thin coat of oil to make my skin shiny and a pair of sandals. Most in my troupe dressed the same. I don't know how I died in this one either.

Human girl, European city, Earth. This one was short and sad. I was a homeless street urchin, about 8 years old when the memories occur. I was in some European city, I couldn't tell you where. It could've been Paris, London, Amsterdam, any of them. It was before the use of cars and everyone traveled by horse and carriage. I don't know if my parents were dead or had simply abandoned me.

I wandered the streets with 3 or 4 other kids, mostly younger than me. One of them may have been my brother. We picked through garbage and begged for money and food. We were nearly always hungry. I'm sure we could have gone to an orphanage or workhouse, but we didn't know where any were. We tried to avoid talking to adults when we could and ran away from most of them.

One winter night we were huddled against each other for warmth in a little niche between two front stoops on a rather affluent street. The sky was pitch black behind the gas lamps. It kept getting colder and colder. We didn't have coats.

The little boy I had with me fell asleep against me first. I tried to stay awake, to protect the others but also hoping someone would see us and let us into their basement or take us home with them or something. My fingers and toes got really numb and so did the tip of my nose. They were stinging too. I was probably getting frostbite.

I remember getting sleepier and sleepier, and I finally drifted off. Then the memory went black. I can only assume we froze to death.

Human woman, Southern Russian area, Earth. This is a life I don't like to remember too much of. It's not a happy one at all. Torlinque and I found each other and married, but we were very, very poor. Obviously, that wasn't his name in that life, but he was the same soul.

I don't know when this life happened, but I don't remember having electric lights. I only know it was probably southern Russian culture because of what Torlinque is wearing in the memory, the style of hat and coat. He had short hair, dark eyes and a mustache then. I was pretty, with long black hair, large dark eyes and creamy skin.

I remember that because we were so poor, we'd often go hungry. Torlinque had some trouble finding work, or the hunting was really bad, or both. Being a woman, I didn't work, except to keep house, which was more like a shack, really. It had a stove on one side for heat and cooking, a plain wooden table and chairs in the middle, and our bed on the opposite side of the room from the stove.

Torlinque was really stressed and depressed, and spent what little money we had on liquor with which to drown his sorrows. (He never has dealt very well with being human when he's been incarnate as one.)

I remember we fought a lot because of our situation and his drinking, even though we loved each other very much too. When we fought, it usually ended up with his beating me. (told ya this wasn't happy)

When I found out I was pregnant, I got really scared. I hid it from him because I knew he'd be upset and blame me for it. When I couldn't hide it any more and finally told him, he did exactly that. He hit me on the side of my head and knocked me onto the floor, yelling and cursing at me about another mouth to feed and "how could you do this to me?". The memory goes black as I'm lying on the floor crying, arms and body curling around my belly to protect the unborn baby as he's kicking me with his boot.

Not happy. Not happy at all. We have forgiven each other for all that now though. That life was a lesson for both of us in what not to do in a relationship.

Elven child, either Til Quintas or Selar. This one is just a flash that came in answer to the question of where I had known a specific person before when I met him in this current incarnation.

I was an Elven child with black skin (black like charcoal, not the brown of negroid races on Earth) and white hair, either Til Quintan or Draest'ari on Selar. I don't know if I was male or female as I was still pre-pubescent, probably female though. In the memory, I am being chased over and around a rock pile (or series of rock formations) and teased by a much older adolescent male Elf of my own kind, possibly a much older sibling. He is hunting me mercilessly, and I don't know the reason. I only know that I am very afraid of what he will do to me if he catches me. I can see that he thinks this chase is great sadistic fun and is enjoying it immensely. He doesn't care about my feelings one whit. He has a rather large knife in his hand, but I have a smaller one.

In the memory I am trying to scramble up the rock pile away from him, but it's crumbling under me. He grabs my foot and pulls me toward him, laughing evilly, and I scream. Then the memory shifts and he suddenly has his arm wrapped around my chest, my back to him, restraining me. I am struggling against him with all my strength, and I sink my fangs into his forearm. He cries out in anger and pain and the memory goes black.

I don't know if he hit me in the head or slit my throat or if I got away or what.

Non-memories

I sense that I have lived many other incarnations I don't remember as well. I have visceral or emotional impressions of a few of them, but no images or sound really.

One of these "knowings" comes when I read about or spoke to people about the European witch trials and burnings, I just resonated with that just a little too strongly, not of being tortured, but being tied up and burned. There's something there, but it's still "below the surface" where I can't get to it. And maybe I don't want to know.

One comes from either England or Wales. I get homesick when I see the countryside with the patchwork fields and hedgerows, and the particular style of architecture of most residential buildings in that area, and I've never been there. I have many ancestors from there, so it could be "genetic memory". I don't know what it is really, but it isn't just wanting to travel there. It's a recognition of having been there before and remembering it fondly.

Another one comes from what I know of the Teachers from being the 'Lesia. I may have been a Teacher in a very early life, but I don't think my "job" was teaching Elves. I get a tiny flash of image of flying very high above a planet. I can see the land masses and dark blue of the water below me. I'm high enough that I can see where the atmosphere ends and the stars begin. There are others of my kind near me, perhaps flying with me to the same destination. I think I may have been angry. During this tiny flash of whatever this is, I know I made a sound that was very loud but may have been only in my head and the minds of those around me. It was something like a growl or a roar. I don't think I was thinking in any particular language though.

If I ever remember any more, I'll add them to this essay.