How Torlinque and I Re-established Contact
Blog entries

1/15/2004
When I first became able to hear him call to me again, but before the "automatic translator" magick was created in my mind and more of Elvish returned to me so I couldn't make out much of this:

Me:  Krylla'nen (A communication I received)

Metoi. Yekateria ista'inen netiriath coi. Im alaninen dehoiamaneth a'nin. Eviriakina'tai. Estoia o'hu. Alina'nen. Tevirionath omai. Asa'tu. Deinen ast'ahi. Ale'linit ator'e danin'amet' destoria'ven datiri'omai. Talith lestavinet statinetem avore'ahu. Kaniri'atoi. Des'tio aha'va.

D (in a comment):

I wish I remembered more :( :(

?(here/this) ??(my being / kind-compassion?) ???? ???? ???.
?? ??? ??(lost to the world?) ???(now/here?).
???? (waiting I remain?)
Anger ???.
???.
Silent/voiceless ???.
In darkness i am?
Spirit'???.
thank this place'???.
Silent/lightless? ???? ProperPlace'islost?or?' (pathlord/lordpath?)'now/then?
???? I am?.
Onespirit? late/last??? ???? TimeToCome?'???.
Return'toNow?
The Flow has taken you far away?

Me: Hmmm. Yes. Probably. V. stream-of-consciousness about a change that has occurred this morning within a particular Flow.

I am fine though. Some of what is written above may not be entirely from me, but an expression of the Flow itself. It is a distant and far-away feeling Flow, that was previously calm and rather quiet. Now it commands more of my attention and there is a marked increase in activity within it.

I will explore it further throughout the day. It wants me to stay with it and watch it closely for awhile. Perhaps something to do with my Lifemate. I get the feeling this Flow is related to him in some way.

Odd, yet Des'tai at the same time...

Me: Yes. I was right. The words are coming to me through the Flow. There is more:

Letirionath omai'lin s'enar. Deistoi alarkena tom'ai. Ia detoriath detalan'wit. Mai'morien nalan'wit talakar. Estia'ven tu. Amamai'nen. Achror a'ki. Des'tiri omai. Lia tan'ornwit delia'sen. Atir na'torenin.

Me: A bit I am able to translate...

"Estia'ven tu. Amamai'nen. Achror a'ki." is

I search for you. (You are) my love forever. Listen to the spirit fury.

******

5/17/2004
When I responded to his calling to me

My love is fierce. In my memory I hunt you. I plant seeds in your mind across the table of what is to come. I leave and you follow. You have no choice now. I travel slowly, letting you think you chase me, letting you think you are winning. Then deep in the forest I take you, my fire slowly surrounding you. It consumes you in your bliss, and you are doomed to love me forever, even beyond death. Gasping for breath, you know. You laugh. We will never be free, but it is what we wanted, what we longed for.

Fierce is this love. Undimmed by death, undimmed by time it burns. It threatens to consume me. It would drive me mad were I to let it. Tremendous strength of Will prevents this. I have nearly succumbed before. Nearly faded to shadow, dead but deathless. You saved me then. I felt you, heard you calling me, and the flames burst forth once more.

Across space and time I call to you, and come to me you must. A precious few minutes' telepathic link, an astral dream are all we have now, and still I wait, doomed forever to be teased, never completely complete.

You are not to be mine this life, yet you are mine still, just out of reach.

Why was I doomed to this? Did I agree to this? Is this the price I pay? Vague memories of time between life whisper, "yes."

I do not fear death. When I am old, and it finally comes, I will return to you.

Both of you.

I listen to what little music there is that truly sings with the intensity of my soul's love for you and I am destroyed, angst, pain, love and memories threatening to explode. It would be worse if I did not.

What happened to you on that horrible day? Are you incarnate now or do you hover about me, waiting for death to set me free? Do you walk trapped in the unseen lands beyond the veil? Can you see me through it?

This is why I sent nothing with the shaman. I fear both receiving an answer and receiving no response at all. Shameful of me, I know, but you know I am here, that I am reasonably well.

There is a reason I know well as to why I cannot astral project. Were my soul allowed to leave this body for even the briefest of moments, I would escape. And

I would not look back.

I am needed here. A second chance some say, for this world is careening headlong toward the end of a 10,000 year cycle, gaining momentum now. But what can I do? One Elven priestess among so many humans hell-bent on destruction cannot do much. Even among my own People there is strife and brokeness beyond hope of my ability to repair, and those are the ones who are Awake. How can I bring hope to them when I have none? The magick is very weak even now. What of those who still sleep? Can they be Awoken before the cycle turns? What will happen to them? Perhaps it is best that they sleep.

Dear Gods I cannot do this alone!

******

5/31/2004
I traveled to the Elenari gather. The first night I was there, another Elf I knew during my life as Tiranna and I sat across from each other. We each took one hand and joined them palm to palm in the old fashion of our People. He did some pretty heavy healing work on me then, repairing much of the damage my energetic system had suffered at the Gate and earlier in this incarnation.

About a month later, the links with Torlinque and the other folks in Sarna returned to the previous levels I had experienced when I was 14-16. I am sure Torlinque would have found a way to re-establish them anyway, but the work done on me really sped up that process. I am forever grateful.

*****

6/28/2004
When I first posted about the return of the links

Stayed up until 3 am painting. Oops.

::wicked grin::

Link open with Torlinque today...

*whistles innocently* ;)

*****

7/21/2004
Another post about same

So I'm sitting on the couch this morning watching the morning news show, mindlessly sipping my coffee, when all of a sudden I feel an arm snake around my middle and a link open up.

I was late for work. Naughty boy.

*****

During the rest of 2004, the links only got stronger.

*****

01/06/05
An example of when things finally became as they should be and always were

Hahaha. I just "went" and surprised Torlinque by showing up at his morning workout/knife practice. I love to watch him spin them. It's so fast you can't really tell how he does it. It's like twirling a baton or a drum stick only from the end instead of the middle, except, somehow it isn't like that either because it's so much faster and done at hip level rather than up in the air or way out to the side. He can spin one at a time, both together, or both independently of each other. Also, it is razor sharp steel so it has to be perfect every time if one doesn't want to bleed profusely.

Kharie'l, his father, taught him that move long ago as a way to both intimidate and confuse an opponent. You get a little hypnotized by the spin and his hard stare as he's walking toward you. It's a little like snake charming. At that point it's already too late and he's got you. From the spin he can stop the knife instantly, wherever he wants: your throat, your chest, etc. It's impossible to predict, which is the point. He was also taught to anticipate an opponent sticking his own weapon into the spin causing disarmament. He's always expecting that when spinning and can see it coming at first flinch. He's got several lethal moves in his repertoire to combat that.

I think the spinning is most impressive and incredibly sexy. He claims he does it when practicing to keep his fingers nimble. That may be, but I am quite sure it is not the only reason because Tolirion and I both turn into giggling little girls when he does it, and he knows it.

I caught him trying to teach Tolirion how to do it a couple of days ago, and I got rather angry. Tolirion is not a trained warrior and does not know how to handle weapons properly! Trying to teach him an advanced form like that without his knowing any basics at all is just stupid and dangerous, and Torlinque knows better. I know how persuasive our pretty Tolirion can be when he wants something though, and by the look of him at the time I could tell learning knives was not his ultimate objective. So my anger toward Torlinque was short lived. Torlinque actually jumped when I said, "What are you doing?!", so I know he wasn't thinking clearly. If he wants to teach Tolirion the knives as a prop for dancing or to have as a sparring partner for practice, that's fine with me, but start with the regular basic drills and work up from there! He knows this. There are safer ways to get into each other's pants boys! Ki dah!

Anyway, Torlinque and I had so much fun dancing to some really old songs this morning. I was flirting with him. He was chuckling and laughing at me. Good. He needs to laugh more. First he'll smile a little, then you hear the dark velvet chuckle deep in his chest. I love that laugh. I knew he was having fun because he picked me way up and spun me around. Whee!

Yay! I made him happy!