Do You Get Chills When You Walk Over Your Own Grave?
Blog entry

02/02/05

Today Torlinque doesn't want to be around me.

We talked some last night about what was bothering him. I was able to relieve some of his pain, but I told him that it will only recur unless he changes his thinking patterns. He mourned me when the Gating happened and was properly cleansed of it afterward, but it still haunts him. This and other negative thinking patterns he has sometimes cause him some low self esteem and make him doubt that my love for him is real sometimes. The fact that I am not incarnate there adds to it too.
 
When I looked in the links for either of my boys this morning, all I saw was some slow moving mist. So, I bi-located to their room thinking they might still be sleeping. Nope. The bed was made, there was no one there and the only sound was a bird chirping outside.

I knew Tolirion was probably working, so I brought all of my perception into that realm and went over to the hot spring where I found him leaning all his weight on a rope running through a pulley. He was trying to get a rather large rock into the position he wanted it in. I asked him if he knew where Torlinque was. He said he'd gone up to the Temple. I thanked him and went that way.

Now, the Temple complex is huge, like a small city all on its own. I had to locate Torlinque by his energy signature alone. It was weak, but I found him. He was in one of the small meditation rooms off to the right of the main section of the complex.

I didn't want to bother him, so I just sat down next to him on the rug intending to wait until he spoke first. I sensed he was deep within himself. Still, the moment I sat down, he Sent inside my head, "Why do you mock me?" I gave him a confused look and asked what he meant. He only nodded his head so that he pointed with his chin at the statue backed up against the wall in front of him. I hadn't noticed it when I came in. I got up and went over to it to get a better look at it. Then I went all numb and got really quiet.

It was a statue of me.

I said, "Oh! I didn't see this when I first walked in. You probably did think I was mocking you. I'm sorry Torlinque." He didn't answer.

It was carved to look like I had looked then, with bigger more pointed ears than I have now, a slightly narrower mouth and chin, slighter frame, but I still knew it was me. It was carved in high formal style with the high formal 'Lesia diadem and regalia. I had never seen this statue before. I knew things like this were done sometimes to honor the courageous lost in battle, but I didn't know any had been done of me.

As I kept looking at it, I got more and more detail coming into my perception. I went to look at the sides of it and realized then that it wasn't a statue.

It was a sarcophagus.

Whoa.

So that's what happened to it. Last time I saw it, it was still alive in a stasis chamber in the Healing Wing. (The Healing Wing is like our version of a hospital, only it's part of the Temple.) Suddenly, I knew how Ebeneezer Scrooge must have felt in front of his own grave stone during the scene with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Without turning around, I asked Torlinque, "You would spend your time with an empty shell instead of me?" He didn't answer me at first. Then he said, "It is all I have left of you here." Then I asked, "Why was it not laid to rest? Do you expect me to come stepping out of this box when this [earth] incarnation ends?" He sighed and said painfully, "Something like that, I suppose." "Our Healers are truly skilled Torlinque, but I doubt very much they could repair it now. It would have desiccated after so long a time out of the stasis chamber." I mused. "There is always hope." he said.

I went and sat back down on the floor facing him and just stared him in the eyes for a minute or two. There really wasn't anything more I could say. He pulled me into his lap and kissed me. Then, he asked me gently to leave him alone to sort himself out. I had work to do on this plane so I left and came back here.

That has to be one of the weirdest remote viewing experiences I've ever had.

Now that I'm thinking about it, and trying to decipher what Torlinque was hinting at, I'm wondering something. Selar is/was a low-tech Elenari world and has laws prohibiting the use of certain technologies in order to promote the use of magick for things humans use machines for, hence horses for transportation and so on. Still, there are some in the uppermost castes who knew it and used it, some aspects of the Healing Wing being a prime example.

I was 16 years old here when I made the decision to let that body die rather than live 2 incarnations at once (and thereby drive myself really insane). I'll bet that before they put it in that box, they took cells they could use to clone it with. It would make sense to do that, given that I left no heiress and the fact that even after being healed, my Kholi'ani powers were still rather broken. If I had a new body there, and then died here thereby being set free completely, it is feasible that I could "walk in" to the cloned body and suddenly be all the way home again.

*thunderstruck*

I don't think I'll ask him if he knows if they did that. I don't think he'd tell me anyway. I don't want to know. Not yet, anyway. I want this incarnation to play out naturally.

I said once to Torlinque that if I ever do end up back in Sarna again that the incarnation I'm living now will probably seem like a very long half remembered dream.

Ugh. I think too much.

02/03/05

I told Tolirion what happened at the Temple yesterday. When I did, he looked at Torlinque like he was about to cry and asked, "How could you be so cruel!?" but I calmed him down. I told him seeing my own sarcophagus didn't really upset me all that much, and besides, it was my own fault for following Torlinque to the Temple in the first place. I told him I didn't feel Torlinque had been cruel. Tolirion didn't know it hadn't been put in the crypt either.

Anyway, I told them both my thoughts on the possibility of the cloning thing. I told Torlinque that I don't want to know if there is one or not. He clarified everything and said he doesn't know if there is or there isn't. None of the Healers have said anything to him one way or the other, and he hasn't asked. He said he knows cells were taken, but that he doesn't know what, if anything, was done with them.

It totally would not surprise me if there is though. I told them that I had always hoped to return, but had always thought it was a very far-fetched hope. Now that hope seems a lot more like a real option. The boys both agreed with me. We'd like to be able to have that hope. It's a foolish thing to hope for, really, but I've seen things we thought were even more impossible than that actually happen, so I'm not going to discount it.

Then I wondered allowed if the Healers were capable of that kind of magick. I told the boys it would have to be timed perfectly. They'd have to be mid draelren at the time of death here in order to pull my soul and anchor it in the cloned body. Torlinque said, "Well, you'd have to help them. You're the only one I know who carries that much magick." He's right. I would have to help them. But how?

The 'Lesia, returned from the dead. Imagine pulling that one off.